Live In Alignment For A Life of Meaning
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Audio Transcript:
I'm sure in an average day you guys are asked all kinds of complex questions, difficult questions, deep questions, whatever. But don't you hate it when those questions sometimes come with a writer of well. Well, give me the one thing or your favorite thing or or say this in just one sentence. Encapsulate the super complex. Like what's the meaning of the world?
And give it to me in one sentence. those are those are difficult. But that's what you all did to me on today's Q&A episode. But before I get to that, I want to talk a little bit about just just gratitude to you for for listening and being a part of this, this group, as we kind of walk through our lives and try to flourish together.
And if you are getting value from this podcast, I do ask again, review it at the at a star, whatever you think we're worth. Maybe some comments about why it's important to you that's helpful to us as people look in there. They're looking for for folks like you to to to join this journey and be a part of it.
It's just great to see it. So I would appreciate you do that if, if you're willing. so now on to the questions that, that have got up here and, and I'm joking, but it is it is a little difficult. And I cheated this time. Normally, as you know, I jump into these things right off the top of my head.
Roll in. but this one, I cheated a little bit because I saw it, and I'm like, oh, this. This requires me to just pause for just a minute. I didn't take days. I didn't, you know, it's not. It may be so I you asked me again next week. I might worded slightly differently, I don't know, but I think what I've got here, I think it does it just so.
the question is if you had to define flourishing in just one sentence what would it be. It's a good question. All right so here's what I've written I've written down and I'll read it to you so I don't I don't mess this up. Flourishing is living in alignment with your highest virtues, where your thoughts, purpose and actions come together in a life of meaning, contribution, encouragement and growth.
So that's my best cut today. And there's reasons for why each of those those pieces are in there. So just diving a little bit you asked me one question. I'll give you one or give give it to me one sentence. I'll give you one sentence. Then I'll pile on with a bunch of words. I'll try to be, succinct here, but living in alignment, that's that's really key alignment with with your virtues.
Your highest virtues. I mean, we have we all have lots of things that are important to us, but those those highest virtues, what really matters to you? Living in alignment with that and then and then aligning your thoughts, your purpose, your actions, you know what you're doing, right? This isn't just all philosophy. This isn't just all thinking about things.
This is, a significant part of what you're doing. And that all comes together in life, a life of meaning. And so you take that meaning. These are matter. I mean, if you're just doing it, I don't. I think there's got to be some kind of impact here that that happens. And that's where the contribution comes in to your community, to the people around you, to yourself, whatever it may be, your mission and and the encouragement piece, I think is really what we've talked about.
This, you know, flourishing isn't just about you, those around you. And encouragement is one of the highest things you can do for someone. And and growth. I mean, this is not a destination. You're not just standing still and and and there it is. It is a movement. Flourish is a movement. And so I think a journey, you know, all these things.
So I think that's why that statement is purposeful. And I think it pretty much captures it. So we'll see as we keep going down this journey. But that's a that's the way I answer that question. Okay. so now back on to things that I'll just be reading for for the first time at this point. So what's one thing, most people get wrong about what it means to flourish?
Oh, this one's easy. Okay, so, so, you know, it's so easy to equate flourishing with happiness and, you know, so I'm happy. So I must be flourishing or I'm flourishing. I think I'm trying to flourish, but I'm not happy. Look, man, you know, you can flourish and not be happy. That's just the reality of things. Happiness is like weather to where Fleischman is like climate.
So a storm can go by. But, you know, is climate really changing or is climate? What's the climate here? Maybe it's a stormy day, but this is the one time it rains out of the whole year. Is it just because you're in? You're in that day, on a stormy day is I mean, it's a stormy climate. Not really.
Right. So I think that's that's how we need to look at it. Happiness, I think anyway, happiness comes and goes. There's all kinds of things. There's external events. There's, you know, and you can find your own internal happiness. And you should, of course. But there are times where happiness isn't the right emotion. It's not the appropriate emotion for what's happening around you.
But that doesn't automatically mean you're not flourishing. So I think that's the biggest struggle and I struggle with as well. I think we all struggle with that. If if you're on a path for flourishing, you it's easy to equate happiness with that. Well, why don't I feel better today or. Well, you know what? There's lots of things that happen in our lives where we're not going to feel good.
It's natural. Doesn't mean we aren't flourishing. So I think that's the biggest mistake that most of us make or could get wrong about what flourishing it really is. Okay, next up, you've said before that flourishing isn't just about personal success. It's about the people thriving around you, too. Oh, yeah, we just stuck with that. can you share a moment where you realized this in your own leadership journey?
Yes. You can. So it may not be. I'll give you this happens over and over again. And it's a battle of egos to a certain degree. And in in my own self, you know, you always we always have. Frank, I've talked about those battles where Frank is telling me I'm worthless and all that kind of stuff, or you're stupid or what are you doing?
You need to talk to me now and talk to this episode. You hear? Sometimes when I'll qualify myself and I'll be like, well, is what I think. That's Frank telling me. Who are you to tell somebody what to think? Right. So. But it does balance it a bit and I'm good with it. But on the other side of that is this whole concept of, of, you know, well I as I'm going through this, this whole path, you know, the things I bring.
Hey, they're they're important. It's mine. I need to I need to get recognition for this. And I'm the leader or or I'm the CEO or I'm the manager or whatever you are in your world, or I'm the. I'm the paterfamilias, as they would say. And over the radio, there's there's ego lives there in all of us. And we all, we all tussle with it and that's all fine.
And that gets part of the the path. But but this one really hits. So when you are encouraging others to flourish, which I think is again one of the highest, impacts and highest goals with, with your, with my Fleischman. And I think for, for men in general, you will find there are there's value you will have have bespoke bestowed to others, given to others supplied as with whatever word you want to use and encourage them, they will take that encouragement.
They will take your magic, your information, whatever you've given them, your your efforts. And sometimes it just gets lost that it came from you and they own that. And this is where it gets I hopefully I articulate this well because I in prep this bit, but hopefully articulates it really well. And if I don't bring some questions of clarity and I'll try to clarify it, but that when that happens, that's the real magic.
When people when I'm in a about leverage or I start knowledge. So what am I? I was and I've been maybe talking to somebody or a group of people or whatever else about an idea thought, a strategy, whatever a tactic, whatever it is for months, years, sometimes, sometimes just days or hours, whatever. And they come back to me in the future with basically that idea that brand new idea or this strategy or this, this plan or whatever it is.
And I'm like, yeah, dude, that's what I just, I, you know, I've been trying to get you to hear this. Now they're hearing it, but it's theirs and they own it. They're coming to you telling you about this cool thing they just thought ever created or whatever. It's so hard as a leader to not say, yeah, dude. Yeah, I've been talking about this for months.
I struggle with this. I will still say that occasionally. and, you know, sometimes it's meaningful because it, it it helps let folk remind folks that collaboration is the magic, not necessarily their own genius or anybody else's genius. So you don't get this kind of genius complex of both sides, like, oh, I can't think of anything. I got to wait till the the genius brings it down or I'm the genius.
I'm not. Listen. Anybody else. So I it's all complex, but but my ego will sometimes kick in there and be like but but but but you know, start whining a little bit and that's it's tricky. So I think in these cases. But what I try to remember is that's that's magic. That's part of what I'm trying to do.
And if, if I've been able to be a value to somebody, even if it's a piece, a part or even the whole, and they've been able to assimilate that and they it resonates with them so well that they own it as if it's theirs. And they take that and implement that in the world. So they align it with their highest virtues, and they go to implement that with impact in the world.
That's a win, man. That's that is force multiplier stuff. Now they're out there doing great things and it's things you may not be able to get to anyway or you needed them to do to be successful for something you're trying to do within the organization or whatever else. It's just absolutely magic. But it plays on your ego a little bit.
I'll use another example. Children, those are your parents. You might tell your kid a thousand times, hey, here's something you should think about. Here's something you should do. Whatever it was for parents and inevitably, they'll come to you a month, a year, or whatever later years and say, oh, I was talking to so-and-so, or I saw this thing online, or somebody else said, and they'll come back to you with this, this beautiful bit of wisdom that you've been trying to to pound into their skull for years.
And it makes you want to go, you know, but the reality is they got it. They got it. Maybe they attributed somebody else, but you probably laid the groundwork, the foundation for that for once. Once somebody else came up, laid that block on there for it to be there. And that's the way it works along the things that I'm sharing with my kids or the things in the earlier example I'm sharing with, with the other employees or whatever else.
I didn't create all those anyway. Somebody else has put them in me. And so that's how the cycle of flourishing works. And if we can, if we can forge together that way and get over the hump of the ego and those things, that just creates this up cycle. So right now, if you look around the world, there are certainly many, many, many circles of of news cycles or echo chambers or whatever else where there's this language cycle where it's just how can we cut each other down, and how can we just steal stuff from each other?
And oh, I want to, you know, keep my keep my foot on your head to keep you from getting up all those things. Right. Think about that. And the opposite. If we were all in a if we were an upcycle and I see groups, I'm a part of groups. I think our company is that I, I try in my family to be that where you're upcycling your friends groups and your communities, many more are upcycling and flourish.
And that is that that's a force that can't be stopped. I mean, it's just it's amazing. So I think when when I get to the question is, why is it so important for others to flourish to that's it. But I but I want to share this part. It's not always easy. And that's where, you know, we all battle our own egos or our own demons.
Maybe some are way easier at this, and I don't consider myself an egomaniac, but but you know, we all want to feel like, hey, I got, I get, I get notified for that. Oftentimes I will say this, you know, to myself, maybe maybe to others that are close to me, the role of the CEO is not to be the show.
And and so many I think so many CEOs get that. So the role of a leader or manager, whoever it is, the role is not to be the show is not you does not have to be your idea. And we all have known people like that, right. The other side of that is a group works really hard and, and comes up with this thing, and then the leader goes and takes it to the next level up.
And I say leader very loosely there, and it's all about them and it's their credit and all that. You know, I got no I got no tolerance for those folks. I had no time for them. They could do something else. they're not they're not encouraging others to flourish. They're on the other side of that. They're just leeching and they're taking it that that we all fool ourselves and think that that really works for people.
And yeah, their careers advance and whatever else. But again, flourish is a you're playing a hole in the game hole of the game. You play a game that matters on the inside, of course, but you're playing a game I think that matters, you know, metaphorically or metaphorically, but but metaphysically it matters in the in the universe, if you will, and whether you want, whether you're a person of spirituality or or science or whatnot, it just matters in a whole different way.
And so, yeah, that person is going to get some short term gains or whatever else, but you just don't know what's going on in their heart and in their lives. but but the flip side of that is, I think when you're contributing to others flourish and not just leaching. Boy, that, I think that's magic. So anyway, that's a super long winded answer to that question, but I love that question because I really it's so easy to be like, oh, well, I'm just going to, you know, focus and go meditate for four days straight and not talk to anyone.
And I'll be first thing. And that's that's part of it. Don't get me wrong. That is absolutely, time loaned yourself a lot of stuff, but my point is you have to then do something. You have to do something with. You have to connect to others. Can be helped there. and I'm sure, you know, my wife might say me going away for four days and not talking would probably help her flourish.
So maybe it does help in that way. I get, I get, I get I joke she loves me. I think it's fine. all right, so the last question I have here is, what's a time when you weren't flourishing and what got you back on track? I mean, there's lots of times I. Look, I'm not struggling. For what?
When is a time that I've not flourished? I'm trying to say, okay, which one? Which? When do I you. There's lots of times where I have been, I've been stuck and I'm not flourishing. I will have moments of of deceleration, of of flourishing, you know, flourish and ever moving. It's not not linear, you know, you're never just going to go, oh, I'm flourishing.
There's always going to be the ups and downs and kind of arounds and backs and, you know, two steps forward, one step back, all the stuff. Right. and sometimes many steps back and on the flourishing journey. But it is a journey. It's not a destination. Somebody's going to somewhere. Oh, I got derailed. I'm coming back. It's just part of that path.
You're on a you're on a path. And so there's, there's there's lots of times for me and I can say in, in, in a personal experience, you know, in life there are, there are moments where you just feel like maybe you aren't you. I was I joke earlier about my wife, maybe you just aren't vibing with your spouse and you're not, you know, you're not getting what you want from the relationship.
Maybe they're not getting what they want from a relationship. And and it's showing up in how you treat each other. you know, your kids see all that stuff. Don't forget. Obviously, it's showing up in, in how you perform elsewhere because that maybe is a key part of your life or your, your importance. and in those cases, you know, the follow up to this question is how you get back on track in those cases from personal perspective.
And look every situation different. I can't I can't tell you what works for you or doesn't work for you, but but for me, oftentimes it's like, get out of your way, man. What what does she need right now? And, you know, do that. And I know, look, if you're in a there's there's really upside down relationships and uneven rest with all these things.
And so I'm not here to be relationship advice. But my point for me oftentimes if I'm not flourishing, I've somehow gotten kind of self-absorbed sometimes. And I'm looking only at my own stuff. And so if I can get out of that and flip it around to what can I do to make this situation better? Not how can I continue to sit and spin and cycle on how bad it is?
That helps. That helps. the other side of that is, is a little bit of mind game and look, I don't know, psychologist shout out, maybe I'm not doing my thing, but so but my game and it's, it's, focusing on the positives again. It's, it's count your blessings gratitudes whatever you want. That oftentimes is super power for me because there's always going to be bad things.
And the more I focus on those bad things, there's more bad things. And that that makes it hard to flourish when you, you know, you only have so much visual. You know, you got you got I've got peripheral vision. I can see a little bit to the sides, but like if, if I focus more and more on negativity and the negative things are going, I have less room in my vision to see the positive things, the more I see the positives.
Unless you're seeing negative things, not that you ignore them. I mean there's things you challenges you got to you got to go after, of course. But having that the majority my focus, the positive, that's how that's how I get up. So I would apply both of those. I think, you know, the idea of, of what can I do to help the situation.
That's like it's like what's important now. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It sucks. I'm in a hole. Okay. This is terrible. What can I do now? Right. Well, what do I start dig into kind of crawl out. So I yell, well, you know, how do I get out of the hole? And so it just it just ignites kind of that action piece as opposed to just laying there languishing.
I mean, on the other side is, you know what suppose about this? Well, the hole is comfy. It's dark at night. I could sleep well, I don't know. You know, I'm not saying get comfortable in your misery, but but looking for the positives. Hey, the sun comes across for two hours a day. Whatever it is. Right? And I'm joking there.
But that's, That's how I try to get back on track. I think we're all work perspective. It's it's probably the same way. you know, there are times, the times that I really suffer the most, probably in flourishing, but it's not in my own failings. which I've got plenty of those. It's it's, I think when I feel like fundamentally what I'm trying to implement in, in, in, in, in the company or whatnot is, is not landing right or people are not flourishing.
There's something a decision I've made or a, a bit of our culture that we've been trying to instill is, is maybe I didn't I didn't implement it well enough or I haven't communicated it well, or maybe I'm not living it right or whatever else it is, and it's impacted others in a negative way. So we talked about upcycling of flourishing.
Maybe I'm seeing some down first that that really impacts me. And when I when I do that, I have to remind myself that it's not all about me. You know, I'm not the only one here. There's people that have to do their thing, right? I mean, what a seesaw. and so the other the other piece to that is again, it's always the what's important.
Now, what can I do now? Okay, here's this thing. It's raining. What now? do I go get a raincoat? Do I just stand in it? Do I find an umbrella? Do what is it? Right. And so I think for me that it's just it's I mean, sometimes just lean forward and it's one foot after the other, and I know this isn't.
This is not magic. Nothing. Nothing here is super amazing. And you're probably, underwhelmed to a certain degree by the answer. but that's that's just how it goes. And in from it, from a, a, community standpoint. So, you know, father, family or founder, founder, friend or founder father, friend, the friend side for my community. What what the jacks me the most.
Sometimes when I see our communities, undervaluing themselves and really settling for less for our community and for one another and arguing over things that are that are not the real issue, but but, struggling. And it feels it feels like, you know, well, it feels depraved. It feels like we're never there's no hope. And it gets difficult.
And in those moments, I try to find individual successes. I try to find people. One person, one person who's doing one thing that's a positive. And again, I know I sound like it's a little bit of mind game, but but it is, right? I mean, I just had a hey, West Virginia fan. I just had a rough week this week with the whole, March Madness selection committee.
Then we lose our coach and all these things and that's that sucks. It sucks most. I hate it for the guys. I hate it for the team and the other coaches and and certainly the rest of the fanbase. Western has enough, enough slaps across the face in our history, in our lives and to get that kind of thing.
But, you know, nobody's crying for us. There's no pity party. So now what are we going to do? And and you kind of thinking, and I'm not on that team and I'm not in the university. And they can make their choices. And then you get the whole global kind of the whole, macro. What's going on in college sports today?
You got all these things. I could sit just spinning all that I did, and I, and I haven't, I probably will, but but I also and moments that I'm like, all right. This first of all, how does this really affect me? Second of all, what can I do about it and what can I do today? And and, you know, it just it kind of plays together.
So there's, there's no shortage of those things that can come and knock you off. Your your flesh might pass for a minute. Yeah. You got to just get up, dust yourself off. And, again I focus on individuals sometimes in those cases because there are great people everywhere you can find them. And one of the things I just loved about what I grew up on, Mister Rogers and many of many of you around my generation did some older, some younger ideas, been around for a long time in in that and even still still, on on the, retreads right to where we go on syndication.
one of the things he would say is in any disaster, in any challenge, whether it's, a fire flood, you know, a political disaster, war, whatever it is, look for the helpers, look for the helpers. And I always love that that is stuck with me. And I will never forget that. And so when there are tough moments, look for the helpers.
They're always there. I don't care what's going on in your community or in your company or in your family. It's sometimes the smallest things. You know my daughter, I'll do something nice for my my wife or what are us in the middle of something going on? It's just there's always something for my son I don't want. They both are great humans.
They do. But, you know, in your company, there's just somebody taking care of somebody else. They're championing them. They're mentoring them. They're. They're helping them with something. it's Pat on the back. There are helpers everywhere. And I think that's the thing to look for the helpers. So I that's again, I kind of meandered all around in that answer.
But there there will be times even when you're on your journey where you're not going to feel like you're flourishing and sometimes you won't be. And, you know, you kind of got it. You can, you almost get in your own head and you can get sideways. but again, if you are really committed to your virtues and you're, you're driving towards it, we talked about that early definition towards impact and towards encouragement of others.
And those things you, you, you won't have to like, reassess everything in life. You just got to kind of, you know, get back up, get back up on plane like a boat, right? Get back up on plane. And then, you know, there might be things you need to assess. Maybe why you're not flourishing today is because you're off track and whatever.
But and at that time, when you're in the hole is not always the best time to do that. For my my experience, maybe your experience is different, but that's, that's me. So anyway, going on long enough, I appreciate the questions. These are great. I'm loving the the engagement and the interest that that you are showing towards this.
And I'm having fun and hopefully this is a value to you. I don't do this for my own ego. Certainly. this is a very uncomfortable thing for me to share openly like this. As you as you know, and I've talked about a bunch probably sick of hearing it, but I just say that to say, It's cool.
I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're I'm glad you're coming along with us. And, I'm anxious to see where this goes. So to that point, if you if you know anybody who would appreciate this, share it with them, I think we'd, we'd appreciate had them on the journey.
And, you know, wherever you are on your journey, I hope you're flourishing.
Alex Reneman is the founder of Mountain Leverage and Unleash Tygart and host of Flourishing w/ Alex Reneman. For 20+ years he has worked as CEO of Mountain Leverage, honing the concept of flourishing and experimenting with it in the business. In July of 2024, he decided to begin to share this idea with others, which led to his podcast, social content, and the plans for other initiatives in the future.
